How to embarrass your sons

Research has shown that almost all children are embarrassed by their fathers and, during their teenage years, almost all of the time.

The trick is not to be resentful of this fact, but rather embrace it and behave in such a way as to fulfil their expectation of being embarrassed.

Wearing a white, knitted, Aran hat with a bobble on the top is a good start.
Particularly if you also wear your very favourite coat, which is older than they are and is beginning to fray at the edges.

Skipping whilst you are out walking beside them will ensure glances all round to make sure no-one else is looking.

When going to the beach be sure to take a large white handkerchief. Tying knots in the four corners and putting it on your head to keep off the sun will keep them well away.
Playing keepy-uppy with a football when wearing only a bathing costume will work nearly as well.

Dragging their mother on to the dance floor to do the jive at family gatherings will lead to them denying they know who you are.

Some days just being is enough.

And don’t forget you always hold a trump card  –  you have a speech to make at their wedding.
Although my son threatened to retaliate by including in his speech the poem by Philip Larkin which begins “They fuck you up your Mum and Dad”.


21 Responses to “How to embarrass your sons”

  1. Haha! Love it!

    It’s just wonderful to be the one doing the embarrassing, and enjoying every minute of it!

    You have told me of many different occasions when you have embarrassed Gareth! And when you demonstrate the bobble hat one, its not so much the hat, it’s the look you manage to create on the “Im really enjoying this” face!!

    If only Morecambe and Wise were still around; you would be a perfect guest on their show!

    Love you loads

    • Thank you Christine,

      I once had a photograph of me stood outside an ice cream shop in Whitby wearing a woolly hat such that I looked like Benny from Crossroads!!!
      Sadly I no longer have that picture 🙂

      Love you loads

      • Ive just had another thought! The series Last of the Summer Wine would have welcomed you and your bobble hat!!!

        Now you must become an intrepid traveller in search of duffle coat and hat (with bobble)!

        ❤ Xx

  2. Hi David

    this made me laugh. Playing keepy-uppy with a football when wearing only a bathing costume lol. My father did funny stuff like that 🙂 Every item you mentioned seems familiar in a sort of way !

    Not only fathers do the embarrassing, I know I embarrassed my kids at times when we happened to be in the same café lol, and I still do probably as I comment on their facebookpages but they seem to have forgiven me 🙂 I won’t go into any further details 🙂

    The Aran hat with the bobble is a lovely piece of clothing! And reading this I think you must be a very nice dad btw. 🙂 which your sons know I am sure, and if they don’t now, they will one day. 🙂

    Arohanui 🙂 xxx

  3. I know… I know… Oh do I know!

    Good one David. You’ve put a smile on my embarrassing face! He’ll probably think I’m taking the piss!

    • LOL,

      It is good to know Res that we served some purpose in their lives.
      Even if it is not quite the one we intended!!! 🙂

      I did explain to my son that it is written in the contract that they are required to embarrass their sons!!!

      Look after yourself my friend


  4. lol….. a chip off the ol’ block 🙂

  5. Most entertaining & amusing (:

  6. Oh .. very funny and wonderful read, David 🙂 I know how that feels 🙂
    groetjes, Francina

  7. Embarrass? I would have been thrilled to have such a dad. Your sons are indeed most fortunate! No doubt they treasure you!

  8. Ha! Love it! I remember my mom enjoying how much she could embarrass us in public. 🙂 Sounds like you’re off to a good start!

  9. Excellent advice David!! 😉

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