First I Dreamt The Journey – Part 18 – More On The Now

Often I sit on the shore, stare out across the sea to the horizon in the distance, and allow myself to go into that space which is the now.

There are it seems to me to be parallels. At the horizon the sky and sea seem to merge and it is impossible to define the exact point of their meeting. If I move towards the horizon it will move away – it is not possible ever to arrive at the point where they merge.

Just so within my-self; the past flows in, the future out and sometimes it is impossible to find the moment when they merge. Yet if I am there, in the now, I have created a gap almost as if I am sitting by the sea in that space between sea and sky.

If I practise, if I nurture my ability to do that, the broader I can make that gap. The more I will have room to breathe and truly live in the space between past and future.

From that space I am capable of mature reflection.

I can be grateful for the simple fact that I am alive, that no longer do I go to bed wishing not to wake up in the morning.

I can be grateful for the fact that I can choose my mood, for when my mood is right I can achieve anything I decide, yet when my mood is wrong I am a pain in my own backside.

I can be grateful that I am aware that at points in time things happen which appear to have no connection, but which clearly do.

I can become aware that, in this life, there are any number of things which happen that are beyond my control. I may rail against them and fight to prevent them happening, but I can only do the best I can do and when the outcome is not what I would want I must learn to express my anger and frustration in such a way that it does not add to the distress.

Many tablets have I written to this end. Some written on stone which can then be consigned to the sea, the movement of the water will erase them. Some written on paper which can then be consigned to the fire, letting my anger and frustration be carried away in the smoke from the flames. Some which can be shared with the beautiful fairy or with my friends, thus allowing the power of the anger to be dissipated or to be used in a constructive direction.

I am grateful that I have discovered the ability to do that.

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18 Responses to “First I Dreamt The Journey – Part 18 – More On The Now”

  1. midaevalmaiden Says:

    Reading through a couple of times, I found myself staring at the screen while many minutes pass. Lost in thought. Sea and sky.

  2. Vera Hazelgrove Says:

    It’s a very beautiful and nice way to pin point where “now” is.

    Though experience from the past guides us, it can more often be a stumbling stone and decisions can only be made in the now –
    to a good future 🙂

    wishing you a good week,
    with Love
    Vera & Karley

    • I used to carry my past around with me like a dark cloud hovering over me Vera.

      Only when I learnt to put it away did I start to make good decisions!! 🙂

      I do use this imagery from time to time when I want to get into the now.

      Wishing you a good week too

      With love
      David

  3. Hi David,

    I like that thought, that place where sea and sky almost merge is where you can find yourself, the future and the past may overflow it, drift away and come back, but it will be your place more and more.

    To be at that point, where you are glad to be alive, leaving behind the darkness and the struggle, it is the end of one journey, and the start of new one 🙂

    The dark cave you started the journey was there, under that same sky, near that same ocean. I remember that old man! It looks so far way now.
    You have found your way out of the cave alright!

    I know how it feels, wanting to die, and it is the worst feeling you can have. It is good, very good to know you came out of that place! And wrote such a beautiful epos.

    I will watch the sky and sea almost merge and think of you and what your story has told me. It meant a lot that I could read it and travel with you 🙂

    Love and hugs and all the best for tomorrow!
    Ina

    • Thank you Ina,

      It is the start of one journey and the beginning of another. My life took on a whole new meaning starting from that day in January 1989 and today it is good to be alive – a good feeling!! 🙂

      And you are right, the dark cave was there too – by the ocean and under the sky. The outlook is somewhat differen today from what it was then 🙂

      I don’t ever want to forget that feeling of wanting to die, because it is a reminder of where I could go back to if I were to let myself. In a way fear of that acts as its own deterrent.

      You live in the ideal place to watch the sky and sea almost merge. It is my pleasure to have you travel with me 🙂

      Love and hugs to you too and thank you for the best wishes

      David

  4. Hi David,

    ‘More On The Now’ certainly marks a major change in your living and your outlook on life.

    While reading this I kept thinking of coming to that place of graceful awareness for myself.

    Being able to live in a space where you no longer carry the past like a ball and chain and where you you look to the future with more clarity and gratitude is indeed a great space to be in.

    I like the metaphor of where the sky meets the sea, because that space can be elusive. I think sometimes we hold ourselves back looking at the past and those subtle thoughts that make us feel like we aren’t allowed to move forward with life because of what happened or what we did in the past.

    Arriving at that place where we can let go and just allow ourselves to be is an important place to arrive at.
    I know for myself coming to this place in life made a huge change for me in truely moving forward.

    After reading this I am made aware of my graittude for my journey once again and it reminds me too of how gratful I am that you too made it to this point to share your insights and wisdom. 🙂

    I hope you have a pleasant week ahead
    Arohanui
    (((BSH)))
    Tikarma
    xoxoxox

    • Thank you Tikarma,

      At the back end of my drinking I lived almost entirely in the past or in some imagined glorious future. The present was far too uncomfortable to allow myself to be in!!!

      The AA program promises a future “beyond our wildest dreams”. Peace of mind was beyond my wildest dreams. Being content in the now was beyond my wildest dreams. I need to remember these things because that allows me to be grateful in the now. And it is gratitude which allows me to keep perspective and to be content!! 🙂

      You are right – that space of ‘now’ can be elusive and it is easy to lose sight of it in the midst of ‘busy’ but we do need to make the effort..

      But we have both been able to find it and we have both been able to make great changes in our lives. One of the things I am grateful for is our friendship 🙂

      I hope you have a peaceful, pleasant week 🙂

      Arohanui
      (((BSH)))
      David
      xoxox

  5. This is wonderful, really. This sort of reminded me of some Buddhism texts I’ve read. Especially this idea – “living in the now”, bringing more clarity and mindfulness to one’s life. I really like the way you symbolize this idea with the gap in the horizon. Clever! The second to last stanza blew me straight away. Really powerful.

    Cathy

    • Hi Cathy,

      I went back and re-read the second to last stanza. I smiled with the knowledge that it blew you away 🙂

      The practising of “living in the now”, even if only for a few moments, has made a significant difference in my life – I do see things much more clearly from there 🙂

      Take care
      David

  6. David this is a lovely positive part of the book and really shows how faryou,yourself have come on your journey through life/recovery.

    I never used to know what living in the now was, I spent so many years either beating myself up for the past or blaming others for it.

    I. too, really like the metaphor of the sky meeting the sea; it is a good way to visualise the “now” especially at times when I may be in doubt.

    Now is all we have and if I can stay there it allows my head to remain uncluttered.

    This bok is truly inspirational.

    Lots of love and a big hug

    Christine

    xxx

    • Thank you Christine,

      When we each look back we become very aware of how far we have come on our individual journeys.
      And these last few days it has been good and necessary for us both to do that.
      Thank you for your company. 🙂

      Lots of love and a big hug to you too
      David
      xxx

  7. beautiful, David …. i like the thought of the present being a “space” between the past and future. how much space that becomes, perhaps how wide our vision ….

  8. David,

    This really deserves a better comment than I can do just now–tired. I have some new medication that makes me sleep better, but more often. I haven’t decided if that’s a good thing yet. Probably is.

    Anyway, the words relaxed me enough for me to realize I am ready for bed. I am on my own as Dude went to the race with his dad and friends. I should get some rest. I will have your words in my head when I drift off. Will finsish catching up later.

    Love you,
    Shirley

    • Shirley,

      I have thoroughly enjoyed your “catching up” this mornig.
      Good to have you back in my writing world 🙂

      As for “new medication” a separate email telling me how you are would be good. 🙂

      Love you
      David

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